Joe Muscara’s Musings

 
 
I read an article around Christmas stating that if you crush up a viagra tablet and put it in the Christmas tree water the branches will stay stiff longer. Never having bought viagra I looked it up on the internet and lo and behold it was $ 50 a tablet  !  I guess if you had a hot date it would be worth it, maybe not so much for married sex.

 

With the Olympics coming up Viagra is an interesting subject. Viagra is a vasodilator, meaning it helps relax blood vessels to allow for increased blood flow. Many athletes use Viagra to increase blood flow to all the muscles and the lungs. Oddly enough no human sport bans Viagra. Even mountain climbers are said to use it.

But there is a sport that outlaws it. Horse racing. If your horse tests positive for Viagra you loose your horse racing license for life. After a race the winning horse and one other horse drawn at random are tested. A guy with a long stick and a cup at the end (the piss catcher) collects a sample. This will catch various performance enhancing drugs. Horses are taught to piss when you whistle. If you go into the paddock during the races you will see horses waiting to be tested and their grooms whistling. The theme to Bonanza and the Andy Griffith show are popular amongst the older grooms. Hispanic grooms favor La Bomba and some Santana tunes.

But it doesn’t detect the best performance enhancer. It’s cheap and is in everybody’s refrigerator. Give up ? Baking soda. When you exercise to an extreme lactic acid builds up in the cells. Now some lactic acid is good, it is metabolized into energy by the cells. But too much gums up the system. Lactic acid is what its’ name implies, an acid. Baking soda is a strong base. Put a base and an acid together and you neutralize the acid into harmless water. But it doesn’t show up in the piss, only in a blood test. It causes excess carbon dioxide in the blood system that is detected in the blood test.

When I hired grooms for the race horses I asked them three questions: Do you like horses, do you take speed, and do you use Viagra ?. You won’t do a good job if you don’t like horses. If you are on speed or Viagra and you take a piss in the stall and the horse nibbles on the hay your horse fails the drug test and you are out of the business.

 With the big studs like Mr Big I always put him with a good looking girl groom. The studs would yank the 200  pound guy grooms all over the place to show who was boss. Mr Big had a five foot tall 110 pound girl groom and he followed her around like a puppy dog. Guy are guys . Don’t matter is they are human or equine. 

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Responses to Ursinus’s Wine tasting Offer – read from the bottom up

I want so badly to forget the pirate punch…but the party was super ‘Pumpkin Palace’
Max

Telly’s porn was ok until he pulled out the one with Ron Fields👎
Keith

I remember coed porno night on Curtis III with some jugs of Widmer Niagara. Telly was running the projector and delighted in reversing the film at just the right moments over and over again. 😀😀😀
T

Imported girls?  Does that mean they were more expensive / exotic  than the “domestic” girls at Ursinus?  I actually participated with a Lebanon Valley imported girl – until- like so many of my romances were not to be.  I would like to think I had poor judgement when it came to women, but it was probably me. It was more than likely a lot of both.

Speaking of imported, on Sunday night the only bar I recall being open was the Bridge Hotel.  It had something to do with serving food.  Anyway, we had convinced the barmaid that Lowenbrau was a domestic beer ( cheaper) and drank our fair share.  At the time it was also imported.  

It was great to drink with Connie Myer at the Pen and Ink because he always bought. I did a lot of that my senior year.  At 10 pm on third fl Curtis, there was a bridge game for awhile, where at each seat there was always a quart of beer – provided by Ace, Hass or Harry.  It was good to be a bridge player.

If I recall, I had a fondness for Cutty Sark scotch at the time.  
Fabian

Very true. Getting back to the pirate punch I remember the imported girls from Lebanon valley or Albright hugging each other in the corner Zavarick’s trying not to get sick. Oh. The good old days 
Vince

I remember sitting in your room pooling pocket change to afford the $4.99. 
Henri


Aye Vince, ye be lucky ye weren’t stretched on the yardarm for pouring your damnable Crèamed de Cow into our libation (& get laid) bowl.  Twas a miserable sight.  Some of our hearty buccaneers still drank the swill ….and paid the price.  Fortunately, some other grog appeared and broached the gap.  

I recall some members of our crew bottling the bilge water and pasting labels with a Skull & Crossbones on it that stated “Drink Only If Desperate (or Degenerate)” which naturally ended up being stored in Henri & Todd’s room….hmmm?  

Well, me hearty’s we survived to tell the tale!  ARRRGHH!

Fraternally,

Jean Lafitte Bob

My Friday nite was a quart of mount vernon whiskey $4.99. Of course who can forget the memorable pirate punch with grain alcohol and creme de cocoa 
Great memories 
Vince


Ahoy Bob!
You are right matie;  anything that was near 2oz was just a taster for the strength of the brew. Yo Vince, do you have anything to add to this mix??
 Rick 

Yo Rick,
One: Never let a good idea get in the way of Betan humor.  Two: when did anyone ever bring 2 ounce bottles to a Beta Sig party?  Three:  I did like your pairings below J.
Fraternally,
Le Sommelier (Bob)

Guys, Guys, this is wine tasting with 4 or 5 small bottles of a variety of wines from this winery.  Maybeeeee we can substitute Boone’s Farm, Ripple, Night Train, Trump’s Merlot and other candidates.  Just a thought.
Rick

Bill,
Seems expensive. 
Remember “What’s the word? Thunderbird. How’s it sold? Good and cold. What’s the jive? Bird’s alive. What’s the price? Thirty twice.” 
My favorite formaldehyde infused wine however is Ripple.  
T

I can get a 1/2 case of night train for twenty five bucks.  How about you guys each send me five bucks and I’ll send you a bottle of night train and we will have a zoom call.  I think we’ll have more fun.
Bill

I’d need more than 2 ounce bottles!
Keith

Any interest? It’s on Zoom
Rick

This typical thread was triggered by the following offer from UC

You are invited to our first virtual alumni event of 2021!
Alumni Virtual Wine Tasting
Date: Thursday, March 25
Time: 
7 p.m. EST
Cost:
 $25 per alumni registrant (includes all supplies, shipping, and handling) Join us for a virtual wine tasting on March 25 with Four Lanterns Winery and co-owner Jackie Gleason ’82! Located in Paso Robles, Calif., Four Lanterns Winery boasts 35 acres with the perfect environment for exceptional wine varietals native to France’s Rhone Valley & Bordeaux regions. Four Lanterns Winery focuses on estate wines, which are beautifully complex, balanced, and wonderful to drink.  Your kit will include five, two-ounce bottles, tasting notes and instructions, and will be shipped directly to you! It will also include the link to Ursinus’s private virtual tasting event followed by an optional networking opportunity for alumni who are looking to connect with fellow UC Bears from all over the country! The COVID-19 pandemic has brought unprecedented challenges for many from across the globe. When you register for this event, $10 of your registration fee will be donated to our Bear2Bear Student Emergency Fund, which supports students facing sudden financial hardship. Please register by March 18 to secure your spot and ensure the tasting kit will arrive to you on time. Once registered, an email will be sent to you the week of the event with a Zoom link and any additional reminders! For more information, contact the Alumni Relations team at ucalumni@ursinu​s.edu or 610-409-3585.

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