Joe Muscara’s Musings

 

I read an article around Christmas stating that if you crush up a viagra tablet and put it in the Christmas tree water the branches will stay stiff longer. Never having bought viagra I looked it up on the internet and lo and behold it was $ 50 a tablet  !  I guess if you had a hot date it would be worth it, maybe not so much for married sex.

 

With the Olympics coming up Viagra is an interesting subject. Viagra is a vasodilator, meaning it helps relax blood vessels to allow for increased blood flow. Many athletes use Viagra to increase blood flow to all the muscles and the lungs. Oddly enough no human sport bans Viagra. Even mountain climbers are said to use it.

But there is a sport that outlaws it. Horse racing. If your horse tests positive for Viagra you loose your horse racing license for life. After a race the winning horse and one other horse drawn at random are tested. A guy with a long stick and a cup at the end (the piss catcher) collects a sample. This will catch various performance enhancing drugs. Horses are taught to piss when you whistle. If you go into the paddock during the races you will see horses waiting to be tested and their grooms whistling. The theme to Bonanza and the Andy Griffith show are popular amongst the older grooms. Hispanic grooms favor La Bomba and some Santana tunes.

But it doesn’t detect the best performance enhancer. It’s cheap and is in everybody’s refrigerator. Give up ? Baking soda. When you exercise to an extreme lactic acid builds up in the cells. Now some lactic acid is good, it is metabolized into energy by the cells. But too much gums up the system. Lactic acid is what its’ name implies, an acid. Baking soda is a strong base. Put a base and an acid together and you neutralize the acid into harmless water. But it doesn’t show up in the piss, only in a blood test. It causes excess carbon dioxide in the blood system that is detected in the blood test.

When I hired grooms for the race horses I asked them three questions: Do you like horses, do you take speed, and do you use Viagra ?. You won’t do a good job if you don’t like horses. If you are on speed or Viagra and you take a piss in the stall and the horse nibbles on the hay your horse fails the drug test and you are out of the business.

 With the big studs like Mr Big I always put him with a good looking girl groom. The studs would yank the 200  pound guy grooms all over the place to show who was boss. Mr Big had a five foot tall 110 pound girl groom and he followed her around like a puppy dog. Guy are guys . Don’t matter is they are human or equine.